From what to do & what not to do, we cover the best tips to help put your mind at ease
Public speaking, meeting new people, big social events and popping to the shops – does the very thought of these situations give you a rush of adrenaline or fill you with dread and fear? If you’re the latter, then you may be experiencing feelings of social anxiousness. But what exactly is it and how can you overcome it? Read on as we find out…
What is social anxiety?
Social anxiety (also known as social phobia) is a long-term and overwhelming fear of social situations. Whether it’s parties, eating in front of others, being in the workplace or everyday situations where you have to talk to people, social anxiety can impact day-to-day life, self-confidence and relationships.
It’s pretty common and often starts during teenage years. For some people, this improves as they get older, but others may find it doesn’t go away on its own without treatment.
What are the symptoms?
The term social anxiety can be used quite flippantly in today’s society, but it’s important to note the difference between being an introvert, having a shy personality and experiencing social anxiety.
While it’s normal for us to get a little worried about social situations from time to time, those with social anxiety tend to feel overly worried before, during and after them. Sometimes, this may even result in avoiding places or events altogether if the distress or embarrassment will be too much.
Typically, someone with social anxiety may:
• Worry about everyday activities, such as meeting strangers, starting conversations, speaking on the phone or going to work
• Avoid or worry about social activities such as eating in the company of others, group conversations or going to parties and big social events
• Worry about feelings of embarrassment being shown, such as blushing, sweating or appearing incompetent
• Find it difficult to do things when others are watching, as this channels a fear of being judged
• Have a fear of being criticised, avoid eye contact or have low self-esteem
• Often have symptoms like feeling sick, sweating, trembling or a pounding heart (palpitations)
• Have panic attacks, where there’s an overwhelming sense of fear and anxiety, usually only lasting for a few minutes
It’s a good idea to speak to your GP if you think you have social anxiety, especially if it’s impacting your daily life.
What causes social anxiety?
There are a number of reasons why someone may become socially anxious, which can include a combination of the following:
• Social experience – if someone has negative experiences in social situations, such as a family conflict, or they’ve been bullied, rejected or embarrassed, there can be a fear that the same thing will happen again
• Psychological thinking – people with social anxiety tend to think a certain way (believing they don’t have good social skills or that everyone has negative thoughts about them), these psychological patterns can fuel social anxiety
• Biological reasons – if someone in the family is socially anxious this may have a knock-on effect due to similar personalities
• Environmental factors – this can include having negative interactions with peers, overcontrolling parenting styles or having an insecure attachment style
8 tips to help manage social anxiety
While there’s no quick fix to social anxiety, there are a few things you may want to consider to help you cope with social anxiety.
1. Identify your triggers
The first thing to do if you’re experiencing feelings of social anxiety is to get a better understanding of what triggers it. These are individual to everyone, so while some may find large gatherings and eating in front of others intimidating, others may relish the thought of public speaking and talking to a stranger over the phone. To indefinity your triggers, it’s a good idea to keep a journal of your feelings and behaviours when you’re in certain situations and make a note of anything that makes you feel anxious. Recognising these triggers is the first step in managing your reactions to them.
2. Try breathing & relaxation techniques
If you’re faced with a social situation that triggers your symptoms, it can be beneficial to practise some relaxation techniques and focus on your breathing. Both of these can help ground you and bring a sense of calm by enabling you to focus on something else.
• Taking a deep breath in through your nose for four seconds
• Holding your breath for seven seconds
• Gently exhaling through your mouth for eight seconds
• Repeating this four times
3. Challenge negative thought patterns
Negative thoughts are very common in social anxiety, especially jumping to worst-case scenarios. This can include thoughts such as:
• “People will think I’m stupid”
• “My voice will start shaking and I’ll start blushing”
• “What if I trip up and make a fool out of myself?”
• “Everyone will laugh at me”
Whether it’s a fear of being judged negatively, offending others by saying or doing something, or people noticing their anxiousness, these negative thought patterns can fuel social anxiety further. Instead, a good exercise to try is to ask the following questions in order to shift your mindset to a more positive and realistic place:
• “Is my thought based on fact or fiction?”
• “What’s the best that could happen in this situation?”
While we know this is easier said than done, it’s a great place to start. So next time you feel overwhelmed by anxious thoughts, try to challenge these thoughts and replace them with more positive ones, like we mentioned above.
Some people may also benefit from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which is a type of talking therapy that aims to change the way you think and behave. It focuses on how your thoughts and attitudes affect your feelings and actions, while equipping you with coping skills.
4. Shift your focus from yourself to others
When we’re in social situations that make us uncomfortable, it’s easy to become hyper focused on ourselves, driven by a fear of being judged by others. But actually, it’s this intense self-focus that can heighten social anxiety, and the physical symptoms that come with it, too.
Instead, try to shift your focus onto others around you – whether it’s listening in on conversations, asking genuine questions to engage or even just taking notice of your surroundings – just being present in the moment can make a difference.
5. Practise mindfulness & self-esteem
Practising mindfulness and working on your self-esteem go hand-in-hand when it comes to combating the way you think about yourself in social situations. And they’re easy enough to add into your daily routine.
Not sure where to start? It can be a long process to get to a place of self-love, however some of the following may help you along the way:
• Being kind to yourself and others
• Celebrating your wins
• Building a positive support network
• Accepting compliments
• Taking time for self-care
• Looking after yourself both mentally and physically
• Considering talking therapies
6. Start with small changes
When it comes to managing social anxiety, it’s okay to start with small steps. Implementing little changes here and there can be a great way to gradually work through it. Some examples of doing this include:
• At the shops, skip the self-checkout and try to enjoy a pleasant conversation with the cashier
• Compliment someone, this could be a co-worker’s outfit
• Hosting or attending small gatherings with friends and family, as this may help you feel more comfortable in your own space
• Make a phone call, whether it’s to make an appointment or enquire about something – a good tip is to write down what you plan on saying
• Try to eat a quick and small snack in a public setting
7. Limit alcohol
Picture the scene: you’re in a social situation and you reach for a drink or two to help steady your nerves. And while this may make you feel more relaxed in the short-term, the effects are quick to wear off. Not to mention the fact that alcohol may actually heighten feelings of anxiousness, leaving you feeling worse than before.
Over time, if you find yourself regularly drinking to get you through your social anxiety, this can cause the central nervous system to supress the effect of alcohol and build up a tolerance against it. This means your brain is affected if the alcohol level suddenly drops, which can trigger a ‘fight or flight’ response.
The NHS recommends drinking no more than 14 units of alcohol per week, spread across three days. For reference, 14 units is around six glasses of wine (175ml) or six pints of 4% beer. But if you find you’re drinking a lot of alcohol and you’re struggling to cut down, speak to your GP for advice and support.
8. Try to step outside your comfort zone
As the age-old saying goes, ‘facing your fears’ is the best way to overcome them – and this rule applies for social anxiety, too. It may seem like the worse thing to do, but avoiding social situations can actually keep your social anxiety going. While avoiding nerve-wracking situations may make you feel better in the short-term, doing this can actually prevent you from getting outside your comfort zone and learning how to cope with social anxiety in the long-term. This avoidance can also hold you back from doing things you want to do, such as sharing ideas at work or going to a friend’s wedding.
Our advice? Don’t try to overcome your biggest fear straight away. Like we mentioned above, it’s best to start with small steps and go from there. It’s also crucial to be patient with yourself and don’t forget to apply some of our tips in any upcoming social situations to help you stay calm.
When to seek help
We know that asking for help can be difficult, but it’s important not to suffer in silence. If you think you have social anxiety, especially if it’s having a big impact on your life, speak to your GP. If they think you have social anxiety, they may refer you to a mental health specialist to have a full assessment and discuss treatment options with you. They may also refer you for NHS talking therapy.
You may also be able to access NHS talking therapy directly without a referral from your GP. Alternatively, you can take a look at our Mental Health Hub for further services, advice and resources.
Remember, coping with and overcoming social anxiety is a marathon, not a sprint. Take your time, you’re doing great!
