Cancer & its treatment can affect your sexual well-being in different ways. We’re here to help you embrace intimacy during cancer
* This article/page uses the terms ‘male/man/men’ and/or ‘female/woman/women’. Please note, this is in reference to the sex assigned at birth. We know and understand that trans and non-binary people will equally need support.
Being diagnosed with cancer can affect many aspects of your life including sex, intimacy and relationships. We know that this can be difficult to talk about, but we also understand that it’s a very important part of life. There isn’t a right or wrong way to feel about sex after a cancer diagnosis.
Regardless of your relationship status, age, gender or sexual orientation, being diagnosed with cancer might have changed how you feel about sexual intimacy and your own body.
Remember that whatever you’re feeling is completely normal. Some people will be eager to get back to their usual sex life as quickly as possible after treatment, while for some people, sex and intimacy won’t feel like a priority. With some support and patience, you can still have a satisfying sex life (if that’s what you want).
How can cancer affect sexual function?
Cancer and cancer treatment can affect sexual function in different ways. Not everyone will notice any changes in how they feel. Some types of cancer can affect your ability to have sex more than others.
You might experience:
- Physical changes from treatments or symptoms that change how your body looks or works
- Emotional changes from dealing with stress or difficult feelings
- Practical changes from a change in roles and routines
Having cancer or its treatment can make you feel:
You might also have problems with:
- Your bowels, like diarrhoea
- Your mouth like having a sore mouth or ulcers
- Breathing
Physical changes, emotional stress and the side effects of treatments can lead to:
- A decreased libido
- Trouble with getting aroused
- Changes in how your body feels when aroused
Cancer treatment can also change the way you see yourself. These changes might not affect the way you have sex, but they can make you feel less sexual.
These can include removing a part of your body like your:
- Testicle
- Breast
- Womb
- Vulva
- Cervix
- Vagina
And changes to your body like:
- Hair loss from chemotherapy or radiotherapy
- Gaining weight
- Losing weight
- A change in hormone levels
- The way your face looks
- Scarring
- Having a colostomy or urostomy (an opening of the bowel or urine system into a bag that then collects poo or wee)
It’s important to remember that these changes are common and they can often be managed with the right support. Many of these changes are also temporary and can get better after treatment.
As you recover, your sex life might return to the way it was, but in some cases, people have to adjust their life as changes last for longer or become permanent.
Your doctors and nurses are on hand to answer any questions you might have about your sex life after a cancer diagnosis.
Cancer treatment & sex for women*
Sometimes chemotherapy can lead to an early menopause for women and people who have periods. Symptoms of the menopause can affect your sex life.
There are many treatments to help manage menopause symptoms, so you might need to try different options to find one that works for you.
After chemotherapy, depending on the type of cancer you have, you might be able to have hormone replacement therapy (HRT). Although HRT doesn’t prevent menopause, it can help with the symptoms. However, if you have a hormone-related cancer, like breast cancer, your doctor might advise against it. It’s important to speak to your healthcare team before starting HRT to make sure it’s safe for you to use.
For vaginal dryness and discomfort during sex, you can try an over-the-counter lubricant. You can also speak to your doctor for advice on other treatment options.
Cancer treatment & sex for men*
In some cases, chemotherapy can lower testosterone levels which can lead to a temporary loss of interest in sex. It can also affect the nerves that control erections which can make it difficult to get or maintain an erection.
High-dose chemotherapy or radiotherapy are more likely to affect your sex life, which can reduce your sex drive and cause problems with erections. These effects can last during your treatment and for some time after. Most of these side effects are temporary, but there are treatments available to help with erectile dysfunction. Your doctor will always be able to give you advice on more treatment options.
If you identify as LGBTQIA+
The effects of cancer and its treatment can be generally similar regardless of your sexual orientation or gender, but you might find discussing sex challenging, especially if it involves parts of the body that don’t align with your gender identity.
Healthcare providers should always prioritise your wellbeing and dignity when you’re being treated, so let them know what you are and aren’t comfortable discussing with them, for example, questions relating to your:
- Biological sex
- Gender
- Sexual history
The above questions may be asked to improve the care and support you receive, but you don’t have to provide information that you aren’t comfortable disclosing.
You might want to tell them the name and pronouns they should use to address you, even if any of these are different from what appears on your medical records and ask them to write these down for future reference.
Everyone’s situation is unique, so don’t be afraid to get the treatment that you’re entitled to.
Mental health, cancer & sex
The psychological effect of cancer, including feeling anxious, fear and stress can affect your sexual desire and how much you want to be intimate. It’s important to address emotional challenges as they can affect you just as much as physical changes.
If you’re finding it difficult to cope or anxiety is affecting your everyday life, make sure to speak to your doctor for support.
Talking therapies, counselling and support groups can be valuable resources to help you manage your feelings. Coping mechanisms can also help. These include things like:
- Mindfulness
- Meditation
- Engaging in hobbies
Safer sex during cancer treatment
Making sure you continue with safer sex practices during cancer treatment is important. Treatment can affect how your body fights infections and increase your chances of having an infection. Using condoms and dental dams can help to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) to help protect both you and your partner.
Small amounts of chemotherapy or medication can enter bodily fluids, including vaginal fluid and sperm. To help protect your partners, your doctor might suggest using a condom during and after treatment for vaginal or anal sex, or a latex barrier like a dental dam for oral sex. If you’ll be using a lubricant, make sure to only use silicone-based or water-based products with condoms or dental dams.
How can I navigate my sex life?
Communication, cooperation & consent
When speaking about sex with current or new partners, make sure to prioritise good communication, cooperation and consent. You can talk openly about what works for you, what doesn’t and any changes.
It’s important to set boundaries based on your interests, confidence or comfort to help you relax. This is especially important if certain areas of your body are sensitive after treatment, like central lines (long, flexible tubes that go under the skin of the chest wall to help give you medicines or take blood samples) or radiotherapy sites.
Struggling to get in the mood?
If you’re struggling to get aroused, think about your environment. Are you turned on? Do you have enough energy? Speaking to your partner about sex without the expectation of immediate action can help you to connect.
Feeling anxious or pressured about sex can affect your enjoyment. You can try thinking of sex as a range of activities and pleasure for your whole body. Non-penetrative sex is still sex. For some people with cancer, penetrative sex can be uncomfortable or difficult, so exploring new options for pleasure can help.
Regaining sexual function after cancer treatment
After cancer, your sex life might be different. Recovery of sexual function post-treatment can take some time. Medications and devices like vaginal dilators or erectile aids can be helpful. Patience and open communication with your partner are essential during this time of adjustment.
Rebuilding intimacy with your partner after cancer
Rebuilding intimacy needs time, patience and effort from both partners. It’s important to have open communication about feelings, fears and your desires.
Make sure to take recovery at your own pace and remember there’s no pressure to be sexual again before you’re ready to be. If you are ready for intimacy, there are many ways to be intimate without having sex. Simple acts of closeness, like cuddling, kissing and holding hands can help reestablish a connection.
Talking about sex can be tricky, but speaking to your partner about your feelings and what you want can help and reassure you.
There are several ways that cancer can affect your ability to be confident and comfortable in sex, but it’s completely okay to want information or support on how to continue to have sex during or after treatment.
