Siobhan Miller, founder of The Positive Birth Company & mum of four, shares her advice on making those early months a little less overwhelming
You’ve taken the slowest drive of your life from the hospital to bring your new bundle of joy home. But as you stare at this tiny human who’s solely dependent on you, you think, "what now?".
It’s safe to say the period after the births of my four children have been huge times of transition. If it’s your first, going from having no children to a baby you’re caring for 24/7, having to learn lots of new things and doing everything for the first time can feel overwhelming. I also struggled during those early months after a traumatic first birth led to postnatal anxiety – I was constantly checking on my son throughout the night and feeling fearful.
With multiple children, the challenges are different, as it’s a transition for the entire family unit. Fourth time round, although I feel calmer and more confident, I’m juggling a teenager doing his GCSEs, being a seven- and six-year-old’s taxi service, and caring for a newborn. I often feel guilty that nobody is getting enough of me. However, things got easier with each child – not only were my births more positive, but I felt more prepared for what to expect. And I appreciate the phases of parenthood more, as I know they won’t last long.
I’ve prioritised sleep this time, even over going to baby classes & meeting friends
But the biggest universal challenge for all new parents in those early months is the lack of sleep. It doesn’t just leave you feeling tired, prolonged sleep deprivation can impact your mental health. This is why I’ve prioritised sleep this time round, even over going to baby classes or meeting with friends. I’ve learned that it’s not lazy or indulgent to rest; it’s a necessary act of self-preservation.
I also try to reframe how I feel when my baby wakes in the middle of the night: I remind myself that it’s normal for them to wake frequently and want to be fed and held. Reframing can make it easier to manage.
Another thing I’ve found helpful is getting into a TV series and watching it during the night on my phone or laptop. It not only keeps me alert during feeds, but I don’t mind being woken up so much if I get to find out what happens next!
3 things that helped
Hypnobirthing techniques aren’t just for birth. The exercise of breathing in for four counts and out for eight works brilliantly in the months and years after.
Give yourself a pat on the back. Each day, jot down what you’ve achieved – whether it’s feeling your baby get heavier from feeding them, or that you held and soothed them, you’re doing a great job and this reminds you of it.
Create a postnatal plan. Plan your meals, school runs and sleep in advance. The Positive Birth Company Postpartum Pack, gives on-demand access to expert advice and support for navigating the fourth trimester.
Try: The Positive Birth Company The Postpartum Pack
• Includes 8 in-depth video workshops with leading experts and consultants
• Valid for 12 months from activation
This comprehensive guide to the fourth trimester and beyond, provides a useful resource for new parents looking to navigate the early days, weeks and months of life with a newborn baby. You’ll also have access to a private Facebook group, a community of parents who are in a similar boat as you, for extra support and reassurance.
Photography: Stocksy. Illustration: Puika Chung
