"Sharing my baldness on Instagram helped me feel more confident"
Jess Newman
Beauty & skincare
Reading time: 10 minutes
After being diagnosed with alopecia when she was a teenager, Jess Newman, 27, struggled to regain her confidence. In our new series exploring the link between hair & identity, she shares the ups & downs of her journey to self-acceptance, "coming out of the bald closet" during lockdown & viewing wigs as an accessory, instead of a necessity
I began to lose my eyebrows when I was around 14 years old. I was never a girly girl and so hair wasn’t a huge thing for me, but when I started seeing clumps of it falling out everyday, it was heartbreaking. I’d never even heard of alopecia then or seen any other woman experiencing what I was going through, so it was a scary time in my life.
My doctor was dismissive of my hair loss at first and thought it may have been down to puberty (which is strange, since people usually get hairier during this time). I was lucky that my mum could take me to a private dermatologist who was able to diagnose it as alopecia areata, where you lose patches of hair, though I now have alopecia universalis, which is full body hair loss.
When I was initially diagnosed, the patches on my head were around the size of 50p coins, my hairline was receding and my hair was noticeably thinning. I remember it being at its worst around my 18th birthday.
My dermatologist put me on steroid creams that I’d rub onto my eyebrows and bald patches every morning and evening. He also gave me some "tingling" shampoo to help "shock" my hair into growing back, but nothing he prescribed worked.
He explained that my alopecia was likely caused by stress, which may have been due to a particularly painful experience I’d had with a family member. Seeing my hair fall out in chunks and waking up to hair on my pillow every morning was also putting my body under more stress, making it worse. He eventually suggested that I shave the remainder of my hair off and start my wig journey – which is exactly what I did.
When I first tried on a wig, I didn’t look how I imagined
I went to a wig shop for the first time with my mum and we were there for around five hours. There were lots of wig changes and tears, but we eventually left with one I felt comfortable in. Wearing a wig was a big adjustment, though, as I’d expected to look just like I did before my hair fell out, only I didn’t.
Density, quality and wig cap structure are all important factors when looking for a wig. I recommend doing as much research as possible into companies before buying any, as human hair wigs can be super expensive. Synthetic wigs are a great way to start your wig journey and are a lot more affordable.
Now I wear a wig as an accessory, instead of a necessity
Last year, I found the confidence to go to the gym completely bald. Previously, I’d always worn my wig when working out, which was sweaty and uncomfortable as I’d quickly overheat. I also constantly felt conscious of it falling off and so I decided to try going without one, bringing along my partner Jack for support.
I remember deciding to go on a running machine that faced away from everyone, but halfway through, the nerves kicked in and I went to the bathroom, sat down and cried. I was trying so hard to put myself out there, but I couldn’t get out of my head the fact that I was bald in front of so many people.
I started going hair-free to gym classes instead as I felt less exposed. Fast forward a year and I’m finally confident going to the gym hairless – I now go two to three times a week and actually enjoy it.
My self-acceptance journey started with a post on Instagram
For the first 10 years following my diagnosis, I felt like I hid myself away. But when the first lockdown hit during the pandemic, I decided to embrace the way I looked and share my baldness with the world. My thinking behind "coming out of the bald closet" via Instagram was that people could see me bald and essentially get over it before they next saw me in real life.
It was the best decision I ever made as it not only increased my confidence, but opened up my world to the amazing online alopecia community. It’s been such a big part of my journey and has helped me through so many situations over the past couple of years. We’re constantly there for each other, hyping and supporting one another whenever needed. It’s so comforting to know people experiencing the same emotions as me and who truly understand what it’s like as a woman to lose your hair.
However, there are times when I find it hard being on social media. I often compare my looks and my life to other people I follow. It can feel damaging to my mental health, which is why I occasionally take a month off and just live life in the moment.
Losing my eyebrows & eyelashes was actually more difficult than losing my hair
Living without my eyebrows and eyelashes was very strange for a long time. When I was around 17 years old, I decided to get my brows tattooed and I started feeling like myself again.
I’ve continued to get them tattooed, but they do fade quite quickly due to the fact that I have thicker skin, which is something that can happen when you lose your eyebrows as it’s for protection.
I’ve tried many other eyebrow options throughout my journey, such as powders, pencils and pens, but have finally found eyebrow transfers, which I absolutely love. I still have my brows tattooed and then stick eyebrow transfers over the top to add depth and definition – I regularly get compliments about my brows because of them!
I’m still trying to love myself without lashes. That being said, I’m not someone who constantly wears falsies and so I embrace the ‘bald eye look’ as much as I can. I find rubbing ice cubes around my eyes in the mornings helps them look brighter, as does a good eye cream at night.
Although I’d much rather have brows and lashes, I’m on the way to fully accepting my appearance and I’m happy with the way I look the majority of the time.
Relationships were always difficult with alopecia
When dating someone new, I’d always find the same questions running through my mind: "When do I tell him I have alopecia?", "When do I take my wig off in front of him?", "Will they still fancy me?". At one point, I started putting a bald photo of myself on dating apps so that any potential matches knew from the start and it took away the pressure.
Then, at my local pub just over a year ago, I met my partner Jack. He’s been amazing since day one. He didn’t have social media so hadn’t seen me bald on Instagram, but he made me feel so comfortable when I first told him. Our first date was at Thorpe Park, where I spent the whole day bald. This was HUGE for me. Surrounding yourself with people who bring you up, make you feel confident, appreciate your feelings and just have your back 100% is so important.
Since posting about my alopecia on Instagram, my confidence & sense of self-worth have spiked
I regularly go out hairless now and I’m starting to believe I’m beautiful without my wigs.
Alopecia has been a life-changing experience that I’ve had to adapt to; an emotional journey of ups and downs but a condition I now believe has changed my life for the better. It’s given me a reason to come out of my shell, to be brave on a daily basis and to feel confident in my own skin.
I’ve also been given opportunities that may never have come up if it wasn’t for my alopecia. As well as putting myself forward as an Alopecia UK champion to raise money for the charity, Alopecia UK, I’ve featured in an advert for PureGym, appeared on TV show Steph’s Packed Lunch, modelled at Cheshire Fashion Week and braved my first-ever networking event, where I did some public speaking.
Don’t get me wrong, I still have bad days, but doesn’t everyone? I believe it’s important to remember that although I’m in a small minority of people who have alopecia, the majority of people have hang ups about themselves. My insecurities are no worse than someone else’s as we’re all on our own self-love journey.
Social media and "the norm" are changing, too – slowly but surely. It’s so important to raise awareness for different looks, different bodies, different everything, so that the younger generation knows and believes we're all beautiful in our own way.
If I could give 14-year-old me one piece of advice it would be to not make yourself feel uncomfortable in order to make others feel comfortable. I used to hide my baldness in front of people, because of how they may feel when they saw me, not because of how I’d feel if I actually left the house bald. Be unique, be kind to yourself and others, but most of all live your life to the fullest, with or without hair.
Jess’ top beauty picks
For the perfect finishing touch:
Urban Decay All Nighter Make Up Setting Spray – Vitamin C
Follow Jess @nevertooobold.
For more support and resources, check out Alopecia UK.
