It’s not always about the main event – here Daisy Buchanan shares her love letter to the small moments & personal traditions that add some extra special seasonal sparkle
If Christmas is a festival, then the 25th is when the headliners play the main stage. Many of our traditions are universal. We like to sit down to a big meal – whether we’re getting goose, turkey or a nut roast – we can usually expect roast potatoes and a big bowl of Brussels sprouts. If we’re lucky enough to get a visit from Santa, the morning might be marked with stockings. We might all sit down to watch (or snooze in front of) an afternoon film, chocolate wrappers piling up on our laps. And it isn’t Christmas without sharing the same silly cracker jokes that come out every year.
Christmas brings us together, because it’s a time for rituals and familiar, shared experiences. However, a ritual can be anything – grand and glossy, or small and special. Sometimes, it’s the seemingly minor moments that hold the most magic. Throughout the Christmas period, there are countless opportunities to add some extra special seasonal sparkle, in ways that are unique to you, your friends and your family.
Rituals and traditions are so important to our festivities that studies have been carried out on the subject. In fact, American psychologist and behavioural economist professor, Kathleen Vohs, led a Harvard Business School study on family rituals, finding that when we observe seasonal rituals with our family, our enjoyment of the period is dramatically enhanced.
Gillian Fagan, founder of Acora Therapy, explains that celebrating with the same people means we’re more likely to want to observe the same traditions, year on year. "We are members of groups that shape our cultures, beliefs and traditions, and provide us with psychological acceptance and belonging. Our brain has a script of our feelings and experiences from previous holidays," she says. "The nostalgia of the traditions, same music, same movies, decorating and food calls out to us. We will always keep some of our traditions, as letting them go feels like letting go of a part of our identity."
Nostalgia and memory play a key part in our celebrations. You might not like chocolate liqueurs, but you always have one on Christmas Eve, because Mum’s auntie Babs did. You’ve seen The Sound of Music so many times you can recite it, but it’s not Boxing Day without it. And you put on your ‘special occasions’ Chanel No5 perfume every Christmas morning, just like your granny used to.
Celebrating old traditions
Annie, 63, a retired lawyer from Worcester, says: "I like to celebrate the start of my 'festive planning' as soon as I see chocolate Christmas tree decorations in the supermarket. My children loved them and now my grandchildren adore them – so I buy quite a lot and then I listen to Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmastime on the way home. Even if it’s not December yet."
It turns out lots of us are quick to embrace our inner child when we start to feel festive. Anya, a 34-year-old teacher from Durham, says her family traditions are board games. "It’s an unofficial tradition, and it’s probably my favourite part of Christmas. It happens on the 27th or 28th – my two sisters, my parents and anyone else who might be staying will have a game of Monopoly," she says. "We’re not especially competitive, but everything gets very silly, very quickly. Whoever has the iron has to make a special noise when they move it along the board. You’ve got to sing a carol when you pass Go. It’s ridiculous, and every year, I laugh so hard I ache afterwards. I would give up presents and pudding, before I gave up the Monopoly tournament."
It’s also a time when we get glammed up in a way we might not the rest of the year. Jo, 59, an office manager from Belfast, says: "I normally play it safe when it comes to make-up, sticking to nudes and browns. Christmas is when I embrace colour and sparkle, and wear glittery eyeshadow and Santa-red nail polish."
For Ella, 42, a marketing manager from London, her traditions revolve around a stocking her mum still gives her every year. "The stocking is filled with beauty minis, like a lip balm, make-up wipes and a face mask. There’s something about getting smellies at Christmas that makes them that little bit more special."
For many of us, Christmas is a welcome opportunity to reconnect with our families. But this can also come with challenges, especially when our loved ones are no longer with us. Rachel, 54, says: "My mum loved Christmas, and I have her favourite bauble – a beautiful, pink blown glass one, topped with silver glitter. When the decorations go up, I put it on the tree and give Mum a champagne toast. I think of my favourite festive Mum memories – from the princess costume she sewed for me when I was little, to when the sprouts caught fire and she ran into the garden and threw them in the pond. It reminds me that making it fun is much more important than making it perfect."
For others, it’s a time to remember who they once were – together and alone. Mike, a 40-year-old driving instructor from Sheffield, says: "Christmas has changed completely since our children were born. The kids make it so much fun, but they also make it exhausting.
So, I love that moment on Christmas Eve, when everyone else has gone to bed, and it’s just me and my wife. We have a drink together, sometimes dance to Wham! (quietly) and I make sure she spends time with her feet up, while I give the house a last tidy. It’s brilliant to celebrate as a family, but I treasure that moment when it’s just the two of us, reconnecting."
And making new ones
Behavioural change expert and author of The Kindness Method, Shahroo Izadi, reveals that the secret to creating a new tradition lies in focusing on the way you want it to make you feel. "A particular ritual is a wonderful way to reinforce to ourselves that our own quality of life matters every day," she says, adding that the secret to creating a tradition that sticks is to start small. "Our plans don’t always go to plan, especially during the festive period. So, look for any little windows you have in your existing Christmas routine to remind yourself that you matter."
Over the past couple of years, many of us have had to scale back our festivities and found ourselves doing the big day differently. Sara, a 59-year-old administrator, says: "For as long as I can remember, we’ve had a full house at Christmas, and I was dreading the quiet. But my husband bought me a pair of pyjamas – red, decorated with holly, not my normal thing – and he made a big deal about me putting them on to sit by the tree on Christmas Eve. I was grumpy about it, until he appeared in a matching set! It was the silliest thing, and it made me laugh so much. We still wear them, to our children’s horror."
And Sara’s discovered another new tradition by accident. "The other thing was the dog walk. Usually, one of us dashes out early while the other one is prepping lunch. In 2020, we went together, and took a flask of tea and bacon sandwiches. It was unexpectedly lovely to spend some time as a couple, and joyful to see the other walkers and wish them Merry Christmas. We’ve made this our own tradition."
Sara’s story shows us that sometimes a tradition begins with planning – and sometimes they sneak up on us. Ultimately, you can create moments of joy doing anything that brings you pleasure – and it doesn’t even need to be especially seasonal to make you feel sparkling.
More moments of joy
"Christmas lost its magic in my twenties, but getting my dog, Reggie, has brought back the joy. I take him to meet 'Santa Paws', go for a nice, long walk on Christmas Day, wrap toys for him to tear open and give him his own roast dinner!" Robyn Johnson, creative & media specialist – Boots Pharmacy & Healthcare
"Every Christmas, I’d cuddle up to my granny on the sofa, flicking through the Boots Gift Guide and folding the page corners of things we liked. Now, whenever I see it in shops, I am transported right back to our little tradition, and smile at how great it would be to tell her that I now work on the Boots Christmas team." Eve Butler, Boots in store marketing manager – Gifting, Christmas & Value
"My best friend does an hour dance session with me every Christmas, then we have wine and fish, and chat about our childhood. Last year, she went back to the Ivory Coast so we did it over Zoom. I can’t wait to do it again in person." Puika Chung, Health & Beauty digital designer
"Me and my brother always watch a terrible action movie after Christmas lunch in his childhood bedroom. Every year he says, 'You’d better not fall asleep', but I always do. We’ve done it since we were teenagers, now we’re in our 40s. Although he’s now got newborn twins who might be too small to play along!" Jo Hoare, Health & Beauty editor
"I love it when you realise Christmas is on! The food is prepared, the presents are wrapped, the decorations are up and family are about to arrive." John Whaite, GBBO winner
"Every year, since we were teenagers, me and my younger sister ask formake-up sets for Christmas. To this day, we spend Christmas evening in our PJs, giving each other glam-ups with our new kit, taking silly pictures and having a giggle." Beth Fletcher, Health & Beauty content sub-editor
Photography: Stocksy and Mark Leibowitz/Trunk Archive
