Feeling like your brain is always in overdrive, even when you're supposed to be 'off the clock'? Welcome to the mental load club – here’s how to manage that invisible to-do list in your head! (And no, it’s not just you)
This article/page uses the terms ‘male/man/men’ and/or ‘female/woman/women’. Please note, this is in reference to the sex assigned at birth. We know and understand that trans and non-binary people will equally need support and their sex assigned at birth may not match their gender identity. Please assume positive intent wherever gendered language has been used in this article.
What is mental load?
Ever find yourself constantly thinking about that thing? You know, whether the washing needs folding, if your dentist appointment is this Friday or next, and who’s going to do the food shop? That’s mental load – the invisible labour of juggling all the planning, remembering, and organising in daily life.
What about emotional labour?
While mental load is about the cognitive tasks of keeping life organised, emotional labour takes it a step further by involving feelings – both yours and others. Emotional labour is about the effort put into managing emotions in different settings, like staying calm in a stressful work meeting or soothing a child at home. It’s all about managing yours and other people’s feelings.
It can be equally draining because emotional labour often goes unnoticed and unacknowledged, just like mental load. You're expected to be the one who smooths over tensions in a family fight, reassures a friend who’s anxious or even maintains a positive tone in all situations if working in customer services. In fact, many people find themselves handling both mental load and emotional labour at the same time, which can impact their well-being.
Unlike emotional labour, mental load is more about the never-ending mental checklist of tasks that no one else seems to notice. It’s not just doing the stuff – it’s the thinking, remembering, and worrying about it all.
Mental load sneaks into every nook and cranny of life. From small things like remembering to buy toilet roll to bigger stuff like managing finances or keeping up with schedules. It can be more intense during different life stages, like starting a family, moving, or taking on a demanding job.
Picture this: You’re at work, smashing deadlines, but in the back of your mind, you’re also planning dinner, keeping track of your pet’s vet appointments and wondering if you RSVP’d for that wedding next month. Does this sound familiar?
Can mental load affect my health?
Spoiler alert: mental load doesn’t just make your brain tired, it can sometimes impact your health. Carrying an invisible burden day in and day out can lead to anxious feelings, everyday stress, or even burnout.
Physically, it can leave you feeling drained. You might even have headaches, struggle with sleeping, or have that ever-present feeling of being ‘on edge.’
In the short term, mental load might make you forget a few things, but over time, it can affect your overall well-being. Some research even shows that the stress of mental load is linked to higher rates of depression and anxiety, particularly among women who often have a disproportionate share of the load.
Who can be affected by mental load?
Mental load can affect anyone, regardless of gender. While it's often spoken about in the context of women, especially in traditional roles, anyone can find themselves carrying a mental load.
Men who grew up in households where traditional gender roles weren’t as prominent, or who were raised by a single parent, may be more likely to take on a larger share of the mental load in their adult relationships. This can especially be the case if they had to take on extra responsibilities growing up, like caring for siblings or managing tasks around the house.
However, not everyone grows up learning the invisible side of household management, things like scheduling appointments, paying bills, or making budgets.
While mental load isn’t limited to women, research does show that it tends to fall more heavily on them. In a 2019 study of 35 heterosexual couples, women were more likely to handle cognitive labour – anticipating the needs of others and keeping track of ongoing tasks.
Interestingly, same-sex couples often share household responsibilities more equally. They tend to divide tasks based on factors like work schedules and personal preferences, showing that there are ways to balance the load when both partners are mindful of it.
At the end of the day, mental load can affect anyone. The key is having open conversations about it and making sure that responsibilities are shared in a way that feels fair for everyone involved.
Mental load at work
Mental load doesn’t just vanish when you walk into the office. Whether it's remembering to send that follow-up email or being the one to organise the team’s birthday cards, mental load can weave its way into work too.
Balancing work tasks with the personal mental load can be overwhelming. Workplaces should be more aware of this invisible stress and create environments that support a healthy division of labour, both at home and in the office.
Lightening the load
So, how do you start lightening the load? Here are a few tips:
- Delegate, delegate, delegate – sharing is caring! Whether it’s at home or work, having others take on tasks can help
- Try and get it out of your head – using tools like to-do lists, apps, or even just a notepad to keep track of what needs to be done. Once it’s written down, your brain can let go of the constant reminding
- Set boundaries – learn to say no sometimes and try to focus on or prioritise what’s truly important, instead of what feels urgent
- Ask for help – whether it’s your family, friends, or a colleague, don’t be afraid to reach out when things feel like they’re piling up
Taking action
Ready to take control? Start by having open conversations about mental load. Talk with your partner, family, or team at work about sharing the responsibilities. It’s not just about fairness; it’s about everyone’s mental health.
Make a plan, check in regularly, and keep things flexible – life changes, and so should the task-sharing.
Remember, if you find you’re still struggling to cope with the weight of mental load, don’t hesitate to talk to your GP. You're not in this alone.
