The perimenopause monologues: 3 women share their stories
Ayesha Muttucumaru
Wellness
Reading time: 9 minutes
From managing signs & symptoms to how it’s affected their work & relationships, those experiencing the perimenopause speak openly about their journeys & what’s helped them (& might help you)
It’s estimated that approximately 13 million women in the UK are either peri- or postmenopausal. But despite how many of us are going through it at any one time, there’s a surprising amount of confusion around the subject. In fact, one survey, The State of Menopause, revealed that nearly half of women didn’t know the difference between perimenopause and menopause, prior to experiencing signs and symptoms. As a result, going through these life stages can feel overwhelming.
Thankfully, more people have begun to (rightly) talk about it and this once taboo subject is getting the spotlight it deserves to help those in the midst of it feel seen and, most importantly, supported.
If you’re wondering what the key differences between perimenopause, menopause and postmenopause are, don’t worry, we’re here to help. In a nutshell, menopause is when your periods stop and you haven’t had a menstrual period for 12 months. You then enter postmenopause, though still might experience signs or symptoms. Perimenopause is when you have menopausal signs and symptoms, such as low mood, hot flushes and difficulty sleeping, before your periods have stopped, due a drop in oestrogen. According to the NHS, one of the first signs of perimenopause tends to be a change in your periods, as they can become more irregular. These signs and symptoms start months or even years before periods stop, but it most commonly occurs when women are in their mid-40s.
If you think you are displaying signs and symptoms of perimenopause or menopause, or are struggling to cope, see your GP as getting advice and help early can reduce the impact they have on your health, relationships and work life.
The other important thing we can do is talk about our experiences of going through these life stages, because one person’s journey will not be the same as someone else’s. So, to help provide greater clarity on perimenopause, we give the spotlight to three women who share their perimenopause stories – from how their day-to-day signs and symptoms affect their personal and professional lives to what’s helped them, as well as their advice for others, so we can all feel less alone.
Karen Lehane, 53, from Kent, is a freelance communications and digital consultant
"I discovered I was perimenopausal during the first lockdown in 2020, at 51, which I think is quite late for perimenopause. I suddenly began experiencing night sweats and early waking.
"I was also finding myself feeling increasingly anxious. At first, I attributed this to the pandemic and navigating its fallout for my clients. However, when I added it to the physical signs and symptoms, I turned to good old Google and realised it was probably the onset of perimenopause. I knew nothing about perimenopause and had a one-dimensional knowledge of menopause. In fact, for the past five years, I’d been carrying a fan around in my handbag, somewhat proud that I was 'ready', hilarious in retrospect. Basically, I’d equated menopause with moments of hot flashes; I was comically unprepared.
I had to fight to keep my former confidence levels, both professionally and personally
"The onset of physical and emotional signs and symptoms, coupled with little knowledge, was a blow. I had to fight to keep my former confidence levels, both professionally and personally, which felt very disheartening at an age where I’d grown into myself and was at peace with my strengths and weaknesses.
"My GP was my first port of call, but once I’d identified that I was probably in perimenopause, I decided to see a specialist privately, which I was fortunate to be able to use savings for. After they explained the pros and cons of Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT), I decided to try it and found that most of my physical signs and symptoms disappeared within a week or so.
"Exercise* has also helped me immensely. I’ve cleared out my garage, kitted it out with various equipment, a great bluetooth speaker and some disco lights so my workouts are something I look forward to every day. I’ve upped my strength training (which is usually recommended during the perimenopause) and, with my confidence levels stabilised once more, I’ve become more open to trying new things. I work out early, which gives me a boost going into the working day and helps reduce my perimenopausal self-doubt and feeling of anxiety. I still experience them, but I now mostly win in the push and pull.
"I’ve been fortunate to have an incredibly supportive husband and I’ve found talking with other women massively reassuring, too. I’m glad people are speaking about it more as when you think about it, it’s wild that we talk about dating and parenthood etc… but so little about menopause.
"For anyone else in a similar boat, I’d say above all read up quickly and, if possible, in advance. A lot of my early distress came from not being familiar with what was happening to me. Find exercise that you love and make it a normal part of your routine – you’ll grow to love it, I promise! Resources I’ve found invaluable have been the Balance app, Karen Arthur’s Menopause Whilst Black podcast, Sam Baker’s book and podcast The Shift, Davina McCall’s documentary, Sex, Myths and the Menopause, and the whole approach to exercise in mid-life from personal trainer, Elle Linton @ellelinton.
Regaining agency by educating myself, talking to others and moving daily has reminded me of what I’m capable of
"I think that once you’ve found the things that work for you, perimenopause and the general shift into a different age chapter can be very freeing. Regaining agency by educating myself, talking to others and moving daily has reminded me of what I’m capable of. I’ve found that I’m less tolerant of stuff that doesn’t matter and so much more excited about what does. It’s not always smooth, but there’s a clarity to my values and priorities that’s a great source of strength for those challenging days."
Charlotte Ellison, 47, from Hertfordshire, works as a safeguarding officer and discusses the ups and downs of perimenopause @moodswings_and_otherthings
"Three weeks before turning 40, I had my first episode of intrusive thoughts (unwanted thoughts that seem to come from nowhere, and can be disturbing and unpleasant). My mind was playing tricks on me in the worst ways possible, which for someone who’d spent a lifetime perfecting the art of always being in control, left me feeling deeply distressed.
"When I finally bit the bullet and went to see my GP, I sobbed hysterically as I explained that I didn’t have a clue what was wrong with me and I just couldn’t handle it. There was no discussion though, just a prescription for an antidepressant.
I was told I was too young to be perimenopausal
"I took them for all of a week as their side effects didn’t agree with me, which is when a friend suggested I might benefit from an appointment with a homeopath she’d been seeing. I didn’t have a clue what homeopathy was, but I felt so low by that point that I was willing to give anything a go.
"My homeopath gave me time and knowledge, along with an assurance that I definitely wasn’t going mad. If I’m honest, I still had to join a lot of my own dots, but I felt empowered to make some changes and went back to my GP for a referral to a menopause clinic. I’d been experiencing more signs and symptoms, things that I’d previously just written off as physical or cognitive 'annoyances' and did my best to ignore. However, I was told I was too young to be perimenopausal and that word – depression – came up instead.
"But I was persistent and the GP did then refer me to a clinic. I went armed with a three-month diary where I’d kept a record of my moods and symptoms. The consultant gave me a prescription for HRT and provided a lot of information for me to read. This included possible side effects of HRT, which made me hesitant about trying it at the time.
"I made dietary and lifestyle changes that helped but in an attempt to feel less alone, I started writing a blog. This was a turning point for me, mostly because I found writing about it helpful for my sanity, but also because I didn’t want other women to feel as scared as I was in the midst of it all.
"Now, I try to prioritise sleep, a healthy diet, fresh air and exercise, take some good-quality supplements and minimise things I know are triggers for me, such as caffeine and alcohol. I’m only human though and these things are an eternal work in progress.
"I’m also no longer frightened of HRT. I became better educated and informed in that regard a long time ago and I now know that, as and when I might want to add it to my ever-growing menopause toolbox, I’ll have the knowledge and the confidence to ask for it and to discuss with my GP if I need to.
"Despite its ups and downs, I don’t think I would change any aspect of my perimenopause journey, because I’ve learned so much and feel like I know myself so much better as a result. Through my Instagram account, @moodswings_and_otherthings, I’ve become part of a passionate community of menopause educators who are actively shouting loud about our collective experiences and campaigning for wider change. It’s been great that I’ve been able to connect with so many amazing women, many of whom I’m lucky enough to now call my friends in real life.
Knowing that I’m not on my own has been of huge support to me
"I’m extremely fortunate to have a really supportive partner who’s now almost as clued up on it all as I am, as well as two daughters that I don’t lie to when it comes to my signs and symptoms, because I feel passionately about them not arriving at this stage in their lives as uneducated as I was.
"Knowing that I’m not on my own has been of huge support to me and I’d encourage anyone that’s struggling with any aspect of their menopause journey to reach out for support and guidance. It really can make all the difference."
Emily Syron, 42, from Northampton, works as a fitness instructor
"I started to notice 'changes' in early 2020 when I was 40. I started to feel low and confused, and lacked energy. To be honest, with all that was going on in the world at that time I put it down to that. Plus, I was mum to a five year old who’d just started school and a nine month old who felt like he never stopped teething.
"But as time went on, these signs and symptoms got worse and my periods started to become irregular, too. I was also having debilitating migraines, which would impact my vision and speech, and make me physically sick. They were so bad at one point that I couldn’t work and I’d get huge mum guilt when I couldn’t pick my kids up from school because the pain was so bad.
I was having debilitating migraines
"After various GP appointments, I found my symptoms were linked to perimenopause. I didn’t know a lot about perimenopause at the time, which looking back seems ridiculous considering how much of an impact my signs and symptoms were having on my life.
"To help manage them over the past couple of years, I’m more mindful about my food and make sure I eat a balanced diet so my body feels the best it can. When I have a few days where I’m eating more processed foods and drinking alcohol, my symptoms can get worse. I also started taking magnesium tablets about six months ago and I always start the day with a Berocca, as it helps give me the energy kickstart I sometimes need. In terms of HRT, I’ve made a personal and conscious decision not to use it for now as I’m finding other ways to manage my signs and symptoms, but this might not be the case if circumstances change.
"Confusion can still reign over me at times, which isn’t the best when you’re in the middle of teaching a bootcamp or fitness class. I’ve learned to be open and honest about it and say 'sorry, having a hormone-challenged brain day today', so that people know why I may be coming across as disorganised.
"I also find I can feel the 'rage' over the smallest of things. Thankfully, my husband is the most tolerant man I know – and he needs to be at times! I sometimes feel like the woman he married is so different 12 years later, due to the signs and symptoms I’m experiencing. But we’ve always been open with each other and throughout it all I know I can tell him how I’m feeling. Although my signs and symptoms have improved, I’ve now started to develop night sweats, so there have been many times when my husband freezes, while I have the window open.
Perimenopause has made me listen to my body more
"I also try to be as open as possible with others about my signs and symptoms as they’re nothing to be ashamed of and that creates understanding. I’m in a perimenopause/menopause group as part of my job, which enables women to reach out to each other, and I have a close circle of girlfriends who are also going through it. These networks can be of huge support and comfort. I also find Davina McCall’s posts about the menopause really helpful, as well as the Balance app.
"Perimenopause has made me listen to my body more. I’ve always had a tendency to just keep going, but my experience has taught me that I do need to take a step back sometimes, put myself and my health first and realise doing that will keep me stronger in the long run. For anyone else who’s going through a similar experience, I’d recommend logging your symptoms and speaking to your GP. Talk to your friends and family about how you’re feeling as it shouldn’t be a taboo – no-one should feel embarrassed as perimenopause is as much a part of life as when we start our periods."
Found this useful? Read our guide about common perimenopause signs and symptoms for further information.
*Speak to your GP before starting any new forms of exercise if you have an existing medical condition.
